Tag: reclaiming your life

I have learned that I am not alone in things I have been dealing with. Many of us at this stage in life have found yourself reflecting and trying to figure it out. We have realized we always aimed to please and do our best. Only to realize our dream isn’t our dream anymore.

Some of use have realized that we have actually been struggling and really going through the daily activities and emotions of life. Ironically we have had a hormonal change due to menopause. We suddenly are struggling even more. I learned that many females have diagnosed ADHD, and menopause causes ADHD paralysis.

Then we end up in a recession under Trump. As a divorced female in IT that scares the shit out of me. Then it ends up being my reality. My company decides to get rid of some of us in IT because investors don’t want an IT department. As one of the top paid I was on the chopping block.

Now I find myself trying to figure out where I go. As I am applying for new jobs I end up with imposter syndrome because jobs I am qualified for are paying at least $15k more than I was making. I mean yes supervising engineers, maintaining servers, maintaining sites, maintaining data, and dealing with stakeholders isn’t easy. Yes, I have clawed my way to be able to be one of the only females on the team, and I have always been the only female manager or above. I have to talk myself into applying because these tasks aren’t hard to me. I mean the investors asked for some statistical data at 4pm. They didn’t expect it till the next day around noon. I returned it with graphs and everything in less than an hour, and that was with thorough testing by Q/A to confirm figures were correct. Yes, it was complex queries, and it was well over 500 lines. No, not a query more like a short new code file. It also only took 2 seconds to run because I know how to optimize queries. They were impressed, but obviously not enough. So I do have to talk myself into questioning if someone else would. Of course, I got a create letter of recommendation, but that is just another piece of paper.

So now thanks to investors not wanting IT I have to figure out if IT is really what I want. I question if a company will want to higher a 50 year old to be a manager/director of data/backend? I mean will the question why I am often older than them and why I didn’t start my own business? Will they realize I have been the sole provider for years and didn’t have time to save for anything? Will they realize I am someone they can count on? Yes, I would love to have my own business, but I am fine working for a small company even in the start-up phase. I want to be somewhere I can make a difference and my voice matters. I don’t want to just be a number. I want to find a place like I had at my last place a place that was a home. A place I didn’t hate getting up and doing. A place where when I needed help I could find it. Just like when someone needed my help they knew they could count on me.

Interesting they took the few they kept and continued something I started which was looking at creating a lateral AI. I am glad I never shared the ones I started for the company, as they are mine now. One was an on-boarding one. My former co-worker who saw it is laughing because they know that it is exactly what the higher ups would want. They said it would serve them right if I could get a buyer for it. I still would need an investor or a buyer to be able to sell it as I can’t afford to not get paid.

Now if someone wanted to invest in me to build my own company/brand, that is good too. I mean yes I have an on-boarding AI and something that can regularly test employees to help prevent securities risk. I also know that when I had my Magic Key to Disneyland cast members would send guests to me for information on different things. I would have people ask me questions all the time. Cast members even tried to get me to create a channel like (shameless plug to my top channel last year) Mammoth Club. However, at the time I know it would be difficult because my daughter was in her senior year of high school. I also knew she didn’t want to stay in Vegas and go to UNLV. I knew she was wanting to go to University of TX or University of MO, and I knew I had to go with her. She went to Misery for a year, and realized it was a mistake. We are back in Vegas. We have been really busy, and haven’t had time to get back to going to Disney so no Magic Key right now. Plus I would need to get a car as since I have been working from home we have 2 cars for 3 adults. That being said I’d still take someone believing in me to help me get started. Just like with any company that hires me, I know you won’t regret it because I know what value(ROI) I can bring